Heavy
by queerwonderland
Summary: Kara won't let Lena suffer in silence.


Writing this was therapeutic for me, I hope you enjoy reading it :)

TW for depression

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Kara knew something was wrong as soon as she entered Lena Luthor's office. She was expecting her friend to be sitting at her desk, as she did every single time Kara visited her, working tirelessly through her lunch hour. But that day, something was different. Something was wrong.

Upon opening the door, Kara looked over to the black office chair to find it empty. Her eyes scanned the room, finally falling upon the woman asleep on the couch. She immediately walked over to her.

"Lena?" she said, shaking her friend's shoulder gently. Lena stirred before opening her eyes, stretching out her left arm slightly and looking up at her friend.

"Hey, Kara," she smiled. But Kara frowned. Something was definitely wrong. An ordinary person probably wouldn't notice, but Kara did. She knew how beautiful Lena's eyes looked when she smiled. Her friend always did this thing where she sort of squinted a little and her green eyes somehow looked even greener, as if glee gave them more depth and meaning. Today, her eyes were hollow. And that's how Kara noticed.

"Lena, what's wrong? Are you sick?" Kara asked, a little frantically, struggling to keep the panic out of her voice.

"No, I'm fine," Lena replied, a little too hastily, sitting up on the couch. She immediately received a very skeptical look from her friend.

"I know you're not fine," Kara replied, her voice calmer, quieter, trying her best not to scare her. Studying Lena closely, looking for any signs of pain or discomfort, she noticed the dark circles under her eyes. Lena looked at her and blinked, her eyes glossing over with sadness. She opened her mouth slightly, her breath hitching in her throat, before closing it again. It was almost as if she was prepared to tell Kara something, something of great importance, but changed her mind at last minute. Like she was about to take a leap of faith, but decided against it just as she was about to jump, so she remained stuck on the edge of the cliff, her body neither here nor there.

"You can tell me anything. It's okay if you don't want to, but just know that you can," Kara said, hoping that her friend would understand what she meant. She remembered all the times she was upset during her first years on Earth. Even when she didn't want to talk about it, knowing she could confide in Eliza and Alex when she was ready was enough to bring her comfort.

Kara took a deep breath, ready to shower her friend with more reassuring words, but Lena beat her to it.

"Sometimes, I can't move," she said, tears clouding her vision as she forced herself to carry on, "I feel like there's something really heavy pushing down on me. I have to carry it everywhere I go and it makes me so, so extremely tired a-and I just-"

Warm, soft hands cupped her face, startling her, interrupting her train of thoughts. Hands that could, quite literally, crush you to death with one single movement were being so gentle with her, stroking the side of her face and rubbing soothing circles into her tense skin. They provided her with much needed comfort, comfort that had been absent throughout her life, comfort she had been deprived of as a child. She leaned into the touch, warmth radiating through her body. It was enough for her to start crying, hot tears falling from her eyes and down her cheeks.

"Shhh," Kara whispered, catching her tears as they fell.

Looking into the eyes of her best friend, the person that has lived through unimaginable pain, Kara made a decision. It was a hasty decision, she admits, a spur-of-the-moment thing that hadn't been thought through at all, but despite all this, she was sure. As a matter of fact, she had never been so sure about anything in her life. Kara moved towards the older woman and kissed her lips. It was tentative, at first. Gentle and unsure, she kissed her again, feeling cold lips tremble against her own.

It took a few seconds for Lena to register what was going on, but when she did, she kissed back. Her lips moved against Kara, hungrily, desperate for affection, suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to make up for life devoid of love. She was crying and Kara could feel the salty tears on her own lips. They carried on like that for a while longer, sharing kisses while tears fell between them, and suddenly Kara wasn't quite sure which of them they belonged to.

The situation had gradually become too much for Lena to handle and she started sobbing. Kara pulled away, embracing her, accepting her without hesitation, with more love than Lena ever knew even existed, more love than she knew how to deal with. That scared her. She tried to pull away, wanting to retreat back into the pit of loneliness, to hide behind the protective shield she had created for herself all those years ago to help deal with all the neglect. But the blonde wouldn't let her. She held on fiercely, as if she knew she was her lifeline, the only thing holding her together.

"Let it out, Lena," Kara whispered, rocking her gently, rubbing her back. "Fall apart, it's okay. I'm here now."

Lena was stunned and a little confused. Nobody had ever encouraged her to feel things. Nobody ever told her it was okay for her to cry. And now Kara was sitting by her side, holding her, kissing every single inch of her tear-stricken face, reassuring her, telling her everything was okay and that she could cry. It was too much for her to handle, beyond what she could comprehend. The love and care exhibited by the woman sitting beside her exceeded the barriers of her understanding.

"Kara, I-l-" Lena began, feeling the need to explain herself. She wanted to say that she was sad. She wanted to tell Kara that something was wrong with her.

"You don't have to speak," Kara said, stroking her cheek softly, "not yet."

Lena looked into the blue eyes that gave her so much hope.

Hope that some people were good.

Hope that not everyone would leave her.

Hope that she wasn't alone.

She nodded, resting her forehead against Kara's, her eyes closing with the weight of sadness and exhaustion. Kara reacted immediately, cupping her face again and stroking her cheeks. Lena whimpered at the touch.

"Shh," Kara shook her head, "you don't have to worry about anything right now," she whispered, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop flowing for a while.

"Concentrate on the fact that I'm here for you and I'm never going to leave you. You're not alone anymore. I love you. I know it'll be a while before you believe me. But I love you so much, Lena," Kara whispered.

She was right. Lena didn't believe her. But she nodded anyway, hoping that, one day, when she felt better, she would.


End file.
